I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
