no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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