he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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