they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
