I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
