so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
