it glows. i had to have it.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
