if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
