Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
