I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
