yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
