Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
