I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
