I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
