Is it because I queefed?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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