I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
