I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
