Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
