Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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