Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
