chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
