Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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