sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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