I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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