The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
