I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
