this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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