I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
