My underwear smells like fireworks.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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