just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
