why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
