I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
