My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
