He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
