i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
