She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i barfeds in our rink
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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