I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
