They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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