Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
