its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
it's like heaven, but drunker
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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