he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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