He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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