you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
