So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
