A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Drake has all the answers
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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