I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Did I show you my penis last night?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
