haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
