i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
