Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
ttyl tear gas
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
