nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
