you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
