He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
it glows. i had to have it.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
