Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
My pussy is not your playground.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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