It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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