Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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