Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
