Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
