she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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