I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
