I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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