totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
