my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
